It's okay

Dear Cheryl, 

I know you know this stuff, it's nothing you haven't tried to pass onto your daughter, but it's words that you are great at saying to others but find it difficult to know in your heart and carry into your own life. 

How many times do you tell Alexiss that people can only control themself? You need not take on the weight of the world. That means not only reactions, looks and words today. That also means the reactions, looks and words of yesterday. Can you tell the difference? You need to realize that those ingrained voices of judgment and harshness were things you could not control, they were external, they were not you. They've become your own inner voice and you think it's from you, but it's not. Don't let it control you. 

That's not to say, everyone else is wrong all the time either. Some of those things could be true. Be kind to yourself, take the external feedback and use it without feeling like shit for days. Use it to make life better, use it to learn, then move on. 

Why is it you expect so much from yourself? You would never treat anyone else the way you treat yourself?

It's okay. 

It's okay to be wrong.

It's okay to need help. 

It's okay to not be perfect. 

It's okay to admit you're at end of your ability.

It's okay to rest.

It's okay to be disappointed.

It's okay to need time.

It's okay to be sad or frustrated.

But you know what? 

It's okay to be right.

It's okay to trust your intuition.

It's okay to disagree.

It's okay to share.

It's okay to be proud.

It's okay to feel smart. 

It's okay to be happy. 

It's okay. 

Love always,

Cheryl

To offend or be offended

After years of not being my authentic self, not wanting conflict, not wanting to offend, it's becoming increasingly difficult on my mental health. This year it's all come to a melting point and I just can't anymore. Why is it I'm willing to let others offend me and just smile and nod instead? I certainly have trust issues that I now need to heal before I totally become a hermit. 

I'm saying this here, because I'm not alone. I'm saying this to acknowledge that I'm awkward in social settings. I'm saying this to hold myself accountable. It means we can move on. 

It doesn't mean we need a big conversation. Baby steps... 

You know, I'm okay with different opinions. Have been for a long time. If you aren't, or find yourself judging others, anger at others, you are not only shutting down their one thought or option, you're shutting down a relationship you could have had, you're shutting down openness to others' unique perspectives. You could be shutting down a whole person. 

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, always have been, that's not going to change. But I do value two way relationships, actual connections, respect and not judging differences. 

Perhaps I got so used to masking, I don't even know who I am anymore. 

I'm not everyone's cup of tea, but I need to get back to being my genuine self or I'm heading for an absolute shut down. 

The only opinions I think are proper to keep to oneself is about someone else's life or path. I don't pretend to know anyone or their mind or feelings as well as my own. I know I have a gazillion more thoughts and feelings than I share, so you probably do too. You are a lifetime of experiences and history that all bring you to today. When asked opinions of what others should do, I typical ask leading questions to make them think and come to their own conclusion. It's too much pressure telling other people what to do, what if I am missing important information, little nuances and factors left out? What if there's one part of their life experience not mentioned? Too much pressure if you ask me. I'll make you think and help you do the work though, then you are assured to get the way that works for you, and if it doesn't work, you can't look back and say I swayed you. 

For starters, tis the season and I keep quiet about not being Christian. This isn't new, it's been about 20 years. I do believe in God, I just don't believe He is our one and only savior. I believe science is not opposite to beliefs, I do not believe other religions are wrong. I think they are the same with different cryptic perspectives. I believe you can be spiritual without being religious. I respect common Christian holidays but give homage to the pagan wheel of seasons.